Am I Crazy for Going Back? How to Finally Let Go of Relationships That Hurt

You know that feeling in your gut that something’s off…but you go back anyway?

Back to the relationship that’s already shown you who they are.
Back to the chaos.
Back to the pain you promised yourself you’d never feel again.

And you wonder:
“Am I crazy?”
(Short answer: No. Longer answer: Keep reading.)

In this post, I’m breaking down:

• why narcissistic relationships feel addictive
• what’s actually happening under the surface when you keep going back
• how to finally let go without shame, self-blame, or spiraling

This one’s especially close to my heart. I sat down with therapist and podcast host Whitney Walker, and we went deep—like trauma-bond, nervous system, root-cause-level deep.

Listen to the podcast episode 79 "Am I Crazy For Going Back? How To Finally Let Go of Relationships That Hurt with Whitney Walker" here!

If You've Ever Felt Hooked on the Person Who Hurt You—You're Not Alone

Let’s get this straight:
Narcissistic relationships don’t just hurt. They hook you.

Why? Because these relationships mimic the same cycle as addiction.

At first, it feels amazing. The high of being chosen. The rush of attention. The dopamine hits from every “good morning” text and late-night lovebomb.

But then comes the comedown.
The withdrawal.
The cold shoulder, the broken promise, the slow ghosting of affection.

Cue the anxiety. The obsessing. The self-blame.
And what’s the fastest way to make that discomfort go away?

You guessed it: Going back.

Not because you’re weak.
Because you’re human—and this is how trauma bonds work.

The Truth About Going Back (And Why You’re Not Crazy for It)

Here’s what Whitney and I want you to know:

Addiction is not the problem. It’s the solution.
(Well… the temporary one.)

It’s your system’s best attempt at soothing something painful inside you.

And if your soothing pattern has been food, alcohol, or that emotionally unavailable partner who knows exactly what to say to pull you back in… that’s not a character flaw. That’s a coping mechanism.

But here’s the thing:

These temporary fixes don’t heal the wound. They just mow over the weed.
(And when it rains? That weed grows back fast.)

You don’t need more willpower.
You need a deeper kind of healing—the kind that helps you unhook, uproot, and rewire what’s going on underneath.

The Role of Compassion in Breaking the Cycle

This part is non-negotiable:
You cannot shame yourself into healing.

Healing happens when compassion shows up and says, “Hey. I see why you’re doing this. Let’s get curious.”

Maybe that part of you is just trying to feel chosen.
Maybe she learned young that love is earned through proving, pleasing, or fixing.
Maybe the chaos feels like home because safety was never modeled.

Whatever your story—your patterns make sense.
But they don’t have to be permanent.

So… How Do You Let Go for Good?

It’s not a clean, one-and-done break. And honestly, that’s okay.

Sometimes letting go looks like going back one last time—but with eyes wide open.
Sometimes it looks like gathering data, watching your reactions, setting boundaries, and slowly realizing that what once felt like love now looks a lot like manipulation.

And that awareness? That’s everything.

That’s how your nervous system learns a new way.
That’s how your energy shifts.
That’s how one day, you see a walking red flag and think,
“Absolutely not. Not today, Satan.”

But you don’t have to do this alone.
If you’re ready to start seeing the red flags for what they are, I made something for you.

Grab the 3 Ways to Recognize Love Bombing Guide. It’ll help you spot love bombing early—so you don’t get pulled into the cycle again.

And if you’re feeling the nudge to go deeper in your healing, I’d love to support you in breaking free from this cycle—when you’re ready, in a way that feels right for you.

Let me know you're interested here → Interest Form
No pressure. Just raising your hand for your future self.

You’re Not Broken—You’re Becoming

The relationships that hurt you the most often hold the deepest invitations.

Not to stay.
Not to go back.
But to heal the part of you that thought you needed them in the first place.

And when you do?
You won’t settle for breadcrumbs.
You’ll be the kind of woman who walks away the first time her peace is disturbed.

Because your nervous system isn’t chasing chaos anymore.
It’s anchoring into worthiness.

You’re not crazy.
You’re just healing.
And you’re doing it beautifully.

Soul hugs,
Bre