Why Betrayal Still Hurts (Even When You’ve Tried Everything to Move On)

You’ve read the books.
Listened to the podcasts.
Scrolled endlessly for answers.
You’re doing everything right—so why does it still hurt this much?

If you’ve ever sat on your bathroom floor (again), sobbing, thinking, “I should be over this by now…”
you’re not alone.

And no—you’re not doing it wrong.

Today, I want to talk about why betrayal wounds linger—even when you're trying your hardest to move on—and what you actually need in order to heal.

Let’s stop spiraling in self-blame and finally name what’s really going on underneath the heartbreak.

Listen to the podcast episode 80 "How Long Will This Hurt? Why Betrayal Wounds Linger Even When You've Tried Everything To Move On" here!

The Problem Isn’t That You’re Still Crying

It’s that nobody told you why.

So many women I work with come to me saying things like:
“I’ve done so much healing work.”
“I get it intellectually.”
“I’ve felt the feelings, journaled, screamed into pillows, burned sage… so why am I still wrecked by this betrayal?”

The answer?

Because understanding your pain is not the same as healing it.

When You’re Stuck in the Loop

One of my clients—let’s call her M—came to me after being cheated on by her narcissistic partner.

She’d done everything “right.”
Read the books.
Listened to the experts.
Googled every red flag and narcissism trait known to humankind.

And yet… she was still sobbing in her car on the way to work, months later.
Still stuck in the “Why would he do this?” loop.
Still questioning her worth.
Still asking, “What’s wrong with me that I couldn’t keep him?”

She wasn’t broken.
She just hadn’t yet met the real root of the wound.

The Real Reason You Haven’t Moved On

During our session, we used EFT Tapping—a mind-body technique that helps your nervous system regulate while exploring emotionally charged experiences.

We tapped into the current pain, yes—but we also followed the trail back.
And what we found?

A five-year-old memory.

A moment when her dad—distracted, disconnected, and deep in his addiction—shooed her away.

She remembered putting on silly outfits, trying to be cute and funny, hoping he’d see her.
He didn’t.
He left.

And in that moment, her little girl self made a decision:
If someone leaves, it’s because I’m not enough.

Sound familiar?

That story, etched in her nervous system, was still running the show 30 years later.

So when her partner cheated?

It wasn’t just betrayal.
It was confirmation of a deeper belief:
See? I’m still not enough.

What Changed Everything

That session wasn’t about blaming her dad or bypassing the pain.
It was about finally meeting the part of her that never got to be seen, heard, or comforted.

She cried—like, gut-level, from-the-core-of-her-being cried.
And in that release, something shifted.

She could finally hold that five-year-old with love.
She could finally say, “It wasn’t your fault.”
She could finally begin to let the betrayal go—not just in her mind, but in her body.

And now?

She’s not just surviving.
She’s actually feeling free.

She’s navigating work with less anxiety.
She’s not spiraling when friends don’t invite her somewhere.
She’s not carrying the emotional weight of other people’s behavior.
And when she does enter a new relationship, she’ll bring awareness—not old wounds.

What Betrayal Healing Really Looks Like

Here’s the truth:
You can’t think your way out of heartbreak.

You can’t podcast or Pinterest-quote your way through the ache of betrayal.

You have to feel your way through.
With support.
With safety.
With compassion.

And that doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens in connection—with someone who knows how to hold space for the messy, gut-wrenching, beautiful work of coming home to yourself again.

Ready for the Real Healing?

If your head knows it wasn’t your fault—but your body still doesn’t believe it?

Let’s talk.

Fill out this quick interest form and I’ll personally be in touch to explore whether working together is the right next step. No pressure. Just a starting place.

Because healing from betrayal doesn’t have to mean carrying it forever.
It can become a chapter in your story—not the whole thing.

You Are Not Too Broken

You are not too far gone.
You are not weak for still crying.
You are not silly for still hoping it wasn’t true.

You’re human. And you’re healing.
And that healing can be deep, tender, and transformational—if you let it be.

Soul hugs,
Bre