Why it Feels Terrifying to Set a BoundaryOct 12, 2023
You're sitting with a little girl when there is a knock at the door. She looks at you excitedly and runs to the door. You follow her, and open it, only to be greeted by a teenager who is wearing a scary mask obnoxiously yelling, "ARRRRHGHGHHGH."
The little girl screams, she runs to the couch and buries her head under the blanket and starts crying in fear.
Two days go by. You're sitting with her again when there is a knock at the door. She immediately books it to the couch, buries her head under the blanket and starts crying in fear.
Now, imagine that that knock at the door is a boundary that you have to set. And the frightening teenager is how you experienced people react in childhood when you tried to speak your needs.
To you then, there is an understanding (belief) that speaking your needs = bad reaction from people.
So under the blanket you go.
And let's be real, we aren't just under the blanket crying. We are under there reinforcing alllll the narratives from childhood such as: I'm not lovable, I'm too much, I'm doing it wrong, I am too needy, this is all my fault, he's going to leave me again, etc. etc.
So, we have to do something about this fear because I know you want to show up as your best (most conscious) self in relationships.
Because you need to tend to that little girl who is terrified, and show her that not every knock at the door = terror (and if there IS another scary mask, that she knows you're there to take care of her).
One of my favorite tools to help one be able to feel distressing emotions (aka fear) and move from the triggered state into a calm one is Emotional Freedom Techniques (EFT tapping). It is the main technique I use with my clients and it.is.a.game.changer.
The way it helps you feel those dense emotions that we typically want to avoid (i.e., anger, fear, betrayal, sadness, grief...) is by regulating your nervous system. It is a somatic tool used to activate 9 different points on our face and torso that signal to the brain that you are safe. It is super easy to learn and use, even outside of a practitioner. Check out my guided EFT Tapping Tutorial here.
If you can feel the emotion...you can move that stuck energy that is anchoring you down and keeping you in your default pattern of behavior, like... ahem... not setting boundaries because you believe you are "too much".
Have you tried EFT tapping? What do you think?
PS. If you're interested in exploring how EFT can help you move past your fears, schedule your free session with me. I can't wait to meet you!
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