Why You Feel So Lonely This Summer—And 5 Ways to Start Feeling Better After Narcissistic Heartbreak

Summer is supposed to feel light, easy, and happy—right?

But what if, instead, it feels… heavier?

If you’ve recently (or not-so-recently) walked through narcissistic heartbreak, this season can feel like salt in the wound. The world is throwing rooftop parties, sun-soaked selfies, and beachside love stories at you while you’re over here wondering how it’s possible to miss someone and hate them at the same time.

You’re not crazy. And you’re definitely not alone.

Listen to the podcast episode 84 "Why You Feel So Lonely This Summer — And 5 Ways To Actually Feel Better After Narcissistic Heartbreak" here:

When Summer Shines and You Feel Stuck in the Dark

Summer comes with this unspoken pressure: be happy, be social, be seen. But when your nervous system is fried and your heart still hasn’t figured out what the hell happened, showing up for barbecues or group hikes can feel like dragging yourself through emotional mud.

“There can be this pressure that we assume we have to be summer happy every single day of the season—and that’s just not realistic.”

And honestly? Sometimes all you want to do is curl up in a blanket, light a candle, and binge-watch trash TV while the rest of the world frolics past your window.

This post isn’t about pretending everything’s fine. It’s about creating real moments of connection with yourself—and maybe even others—while honoring where you are. No fake positivity. No “just be grateful.” Just five things you can try today to start tending to the version of you that’s still healing.

1. Ditch the Pressure to Be “Summer Happy”

You don’t owe anyone an Instagrammable summer.

You’re allowed to opt out of the socializing, the lake days, the matching sundresses and cocktails. Not every day has to match the season’s energy. So if today calls for blankets, herbal tea, and journaling by candlelight with the AC cranked up? That’s not you “wasting summer.” That’s you honoring your pace.

“You don’t have to match the energy of the season 100% every day. We get to do all of the things—all of the time.”

Let summer work for you, not against you.

2. Tend to Something Alive

When it feels like you’re stuck or going backward in your healing, there’s something magical about nurturing something tiny and alive.

Water a houseplant. Start a windowsill herb garden. Or just poke at a pothos and whisper, “Grow, damn it.” (Been there.)

Watching something bloom—slowly, imperfectly—reminds you that healing is a process, not a deadline. Bonus: it gives your nervous system something calming and present to focus on.

“Watching a plant grow reminds you of the pace of growth—and helps you find some patience with your plants and yourself.”

(Hot tip: Google “easy plants to keep alive.” This is about healing, not horticultural shame.)

3. Name What You’re Feeling

Not “I feel like crap.”

Not “I feel like they’re the worst human alive.”

Try: “I feel grief.” “I feel rage.” “I feel abandoned.”

Because naming the feeling gives it edges. It moves it from being something you are to something you’re experiencing. And once you name it, you can work with it, sit with it, tap through it. (Literally—EFT tapping is a core part of how I help my clients regulate and process those big emotions.)

Use a feelings wheel. Leave yourself a voice note. Start reclaiming your inner emotional language—especially if the narcissistic dynamic made you doubt your ability to feel at all.

4. Take a Break from Social Media (Seriously)

Social media in summer is like an all-you-can-eat buffet of FOMO and fake joy.

You see people clinking glasses and kissing under fireworks, and you start to wonder if you’re the only one not doing it right. But here’s the truth: humans weren’t designed to absorb this much data about other people’s curated lives. It’s overstimulating, and it can mess with your healing.

Try stepping away for a day. Then maybe two. Curate your feed with intention—or don’t look at all. And when you do go online, seek out content that nourishes, not compares.

Notice how your nervous system breathes when it’s not bombarded with everyone else’s “highlight reels.”

5. Give Yourself Something (Small) to Look Forward To

You don’t need a plane ticket to have something to anticipate.

It could be as simple as a solo bookstore date, a coffee shop work sesh, or trying a new recipe this Friday night. Our brains need reminders that life is still happening—even if the big things feel far away.

And no, it doesn’t have to involve people. But if it does? Let it be with someone who feels safe, easy, and low-pressure. Not the "cheer up!" friend, but the one who’d sit in silence with you and consider it quality time.

Gentle Reminder: You’re Not Broken—You’re Healing

Narcissistic heartbreak is disorienting. It makes you question yourself, your memories, even your sanity. You miss someone and hate them in the same breath. You think you should be over it by now. And summer, with all its glitter and pressure, can make that feel even worse.

But you’re not broken. You’re grieving. And the more compassion you offer yourself during this messy, in-between season, the more powerful your healing becomes.

You don’t have to do it alone.

Ready to Heal in a Way That Feels Real?

If you’re craving deeper support—someone to hold the space, help you untangle the confusion, and remind you who you are—I’ve got you.

I’ve created spaces and programs designed specifically for women moving through narcissistic heartbreak. If you’re curious what that might look like, fill out this short interest form. It’s a no-pressure way to start exploring what support could feel like.

I created exactly what I needed—because I was you. I know how hard it is to start. But you don’t have to do it alone.

Whether or not we ever get to meet, please remember:

You’re not too much.
You’re not behind.
You’re not broken.

You are becoming. And you’re not alone.

I’m here with you.

Soul hugs,
Bre